All I want for Christmas is you

I know I’ve said it one hundred million times, but these past few months have been a challenge. A big big challenge. I’ve used my brain in very different ways, learning how to be a grad student and remembering how to write papers. I’ve become a better teacher with many many more clinical hours teaching at the university. I’ve been extremely challenged with certain students and trying to figure out how to best teach in order to facilitate different learning challenges. I’ve dealt with a few co-workers and higher ups not being overly kind and on the flip side, feeling way more supported than I ever have by others.

T and I have dealt with my crazy schedule and his crazy travel schedule (he’s been gone a total of 9 weeks since September) and never getting to see each other. We’ve fought over stupid things (why didn’t YOU take the garbage out?!) and I’ve cried many tears of frustration and exhaustion.

Despite all the crazy, putting up our Christmas tree (albeit undecorated still – did I mention we’re busy?) always makes me appreciative of my life. I am so blessed to be spending the holidays with the people I love most, and then jet-setting off to Mexico to spend a blissful week with T.

I am so lucky. Lucky to have the support of a wonderful husband, even when my schedule puts even more stress on him. Lucky to have my family and their unwavering cheerleading of my pursuits. Lucky to be able to attend grad school and pursue my dream.

I am so lucky.

xox

b

Marriage: Year One

It’s amazing what happens in a year!

This time last year, we looked like this:

T had been laid off from his job and we were starting our marriage in a bit of job uncertainty. We went off to our disastrous honeymoon in Costa Rica two days after we got married.

T got a great new job in November and started travelling like crazy. I was applying for my Master’s degree and getting a part time job teaching at a university. It called for new clothes:

In December, we celebrated our first Christmas as a married couple and did a whole lot of work Christmas party rounds.

In January I started my new job and was feeling very overwhelmed. T was in the groove with his job now and was such a huge support. We went away to one of the Gulf Islands for a little weekend getaway.

In February, our lives changed when my brother was hit by a car while on a longboard. It was an awful and emotional time that really made me evaluate the things I was doing with my life. To add insult to injury, my dad, with whom I have a very complicated relationship, was at the hospital most of the time. I spent more time with him in those 10 days than I have in the last 9 years. Miraculously, my brother is recovering from his injuries and is back to work. I was so grateful for T in those scary days…bringing me food, making me sleep, hugging me while I sobbed.

March was sort of a blur with the after effects of my brother’s injury. I turned 25, stopped blogging and worked a lot.

In April we adopted Gus, our corgi-shepherd cross. It was love at first site for us although he wasn’t too sure about us for a little while. Now, T and Gus are inseparable.

 

In May, T graduated officially from College, so we drove to Alberta to visit my sister and his family. We drove with Gus in the car for our first long trek as a family of 3. I also found out that I was accepted into my Master’s program!

Our summer involved lots of travel for T. I went away with friends to the Oregon Coast without him and he was off on business more often than not. We did manage to catch some Canada day fireworks together though.

Now that September is here, I’m back to work at my University job and gearing up for my Master’s and T is off on Monday for another long few months of back and forth travel.

Despite our insanely busy lives right now, we have stability in each other. I am so thankful to have him as my husband. We are a team and a great one at that.

Year one, check. I wonder what year two will bring!

xox

b

Back to the airport I go

After a lovely weekend running around doing errands with my husband (I got some really cute shoes! We did all the grocery shopping. New watch batteries. The list goes on.) I’m now taking him back to the airport. He’ll be gone again til Friday afternoon.

I know, I’ve whined before, but this is my blog and I’m whining again. I miss him. Yes, I can function alone. Yes, I can read my books all day and watch TV shows he hates but mostly, I miss him. I’m ready for him to be working out of Van again.

I’m deep breathing over here so as not to cry in public again. I can do it.

xox

b

Marriage and Travel

T got this new job (yay!) which requires him to travel a fair amount (boo!). He’s travelled before for work, but nothing quite as much as this. I took him to the airport last night and for the next few months he’ll be travelling, only home on weekends.

I know I should be thankful that he gets to come home on weekends, but his travelling reminds me oh so much of when we dated long distance (if you didn’t start reading way back in the day – T and I dated long distance for a year and a half before he moved here to be with me). As I was trying to control my tears so that they would remain just tears and not sobs, I got that feeling I used to get before we’d leave each other for another 6 weeks or so back in the long distance days. That feeling of dread. Aloneness. Heartbreak.

I know what they say. Healthy relationships require some separation. Do your own thing etc. But T and I? We like to do things together. We’re a great team and we really enjoy each other’s company. We balance out each other’s crazy. We spend a lot of time together. When he goes away it’s hard for me. Really hard. And hard for him too.

I know we’ll get through this year or two of intense travel. But no one said I have to like it…right?

xox

b

On Marriage Stereotypes

It’s funny. Before we got married, everyone would comment on how in love people are who are engaged. I thought this was sort of common sense. If you don’t love someone, don’t get engaged. Now that we’re married though we get a whole different set of comments.

I get comments lamenting the ways of men. People tell me ‘oh don’t worry, just talk slowly and he’ll get it’ or ‘I bet he doesn’t do any of the housework. You’ll get used to that.’ or ‘oh, men. you know how they are. Is he out drinking with the boys?’

T gets comments by men bashing their wives. “Oh, I’m on such a short leash. My wife never lets me go out.’ or ‘gotta make it home quickly or the old lady/ball and chain will be angry.’

I am often baffled when people speak this way. Is everyone so completely miserable in their marriages that they stereotype and criticize their significant others to often complete strangers? Or is that just what people think they’re supposed to say? I tend to lean towards people feeling pressure to conform to the stereotype (stigma?) of marriage being the worst thing ever to happen to men and the end of ever having affection for women. I just wonder how it got to be so ‘cool’ to talk that way.

T openly says that it drives him nuts. I am quick to correct people when they discuss the laziness of men and their beer drinking, poker playing ways. My husband works hard – at home and at work. He cleans and does laundry and cooks just like I do. We share in the household tasks. I realize this may be a newer generation thing but I still don’t see why the stereotypes need to perpetuate.

Anyone else encounter this? Am I totally naive and in my newlywed bubble? Is this the way life is?

xox

b

On Marriage

When I was engaged, I dreamt of being married. I imagined it would feel different. I thought that once that ring went on my finger and I Do’s were exchanged, that I would change. That we would change.

Except it didn’t really. We got married. We smiled and we laughed and we had a great day. But I still felt the same. We still loved each other. Probably the same as the day before. We still bickered about what time we’d wake up and how clean the house had to be before we left for our honeymoon. I still turned into the Rage Monster B without food and him into Cranky Pants McGee with no sleep. We loved each other. We were married. But it felt the same.

I was devastated. That might sound dramatic. It probably is a bit. But really, I was crushed that I didn’t all of a sudden feel different being married. I felt different when I was engaged, so why didn’t I feel different married? Patients of mine asked if I felt different and I joked about how everything was the same except my last name.

Once your wedding is over, people stop asking about it. They’ll ooh over a picture, but they don’t ask 900 million details and give all sorts of advice like people do when you plan a wedding. After answering a few questions, I forgot about my upset feelings over not feeling different.

It’s been almost 7 weeks since we’ve been married (holy crap!) and today I was thinking about what being married has been like.

And today I realized, it is different. I feel different. Our love is different. Stronger. Watching T weather the storm of losing his job with confidence in his abilities, a determination to find something wonderful and a commitment to our little family has been overwhelming for me. The love and pride I feel being his wife is astounding. That is different. I was in love before. I was proud of him before. But there is nothing like watching the man you love work so hard to take care of his family, even one of two people. His triumphs and stumbles affect me more because they aren’t just his, they’re ours. It’s incredible really.

After all my whining over not feeling changed, I do after all. And it’s powerful.

xox

b

p.s. Also? I still can’t get my signature right. Signing a new last name takes serious practice!