All I want for Christmas is you

I know I’ve said it one hundred million times, but these past few months have been a challenge. A big big challenge. I’ve used my brain in very different ways, learning how to be a grad student and remembering how to write papers. I’ve become a better teacher with many many more clinical hours teaching at the university. I’ve been extremely challenged with certain students and trying to figure out how to best teach in order to facilitate different learning challenges. I’ve dealt with a few co-workers and higher ups not being overly kind and on the flip side, feeling way more supported than I ever have by others.

T and I have dealt with my crazy schedule and his crazy travel schedule (he’s been gone a total of 9 weeks since September) and never getting to see each other. We’ve fought over stupid things (why didn’t YOU take the garbage out?!) and I’ve cried many tears of frustration and exhaustion.

Despite all the crazy, putting up our Christmas tree (albeit undecorated still – did I mention we’re busy?) always makes me appreciative of my life. I am so blessed to be spending the holidays with the people I love most, and then jet-setting off to Mexico to spend a blissful week with T.

I am so lucky. Lucky to have the support of a wonderful husband, even when my schedule puts even more stress on him. Lucky to have my family and their unwavering cheerleading of my pursuits. Lucky to be able to attend grad school and pursue my dream.

I am so lucky.

xox

b

Independence

I used to be VERY independent. Even as a child, I wanted to do everything on my own. I could do it and I didn’t need anyone’s help. When T and I first met, I had been through a horrible breakup that took years to get over. I was back to being fiercely independent because I figured that if you relied on people, they let you down.

We were dating long distance, so it was easy for me to maintain my independence. He did his own thing, I did my own thing, and we talked about our lives together on Skype. We would get together for weekends every 6 or 7 weeks and spend every waking moment together. I was stubborn and still very very independent. I would fight to pay the dinner bill, open my own doors, plan our dates, choose where we went. I didn’t want to give up any bit of my control.

The longer we dated, the more comfortable we got with each other. The more we wanted to spend every waking moment with each other. When he moved here, I was a little bit terrified inside. What if spending every moment together proved to be insanity?! What if we couldn’t stand being together all the time? We did some serious head butting when he moved in, picking furniture, building Ikea furniture (the true test to a relationship), sorting out chores.

But it’s funny the way it worked. We really enjoyed being together. I really enjoyed being with him. And that desire for me to have everything exactly my way and under my complete control was waning (T may still not agree with this statement). I used to think nothing of it to head downtown by myself or with a few girlfriends. Now, I’m often finding I really wished he could come with me. It’s been an evolution of myself.

T’s travelling for 4 days for work and it’s strange without him. I miss him being around. I miss going places with him and doing things. I know some people maintain that need for independence forever even with their spouse and I fully thought I’d be one of those people. But I’m not. We’re going to be one of those old couples who do everything together. And I’m happy about that.

xox

b

Stick Figure Life

I cleaned my closet yesterday. This is important because (A) it’s beautiful and organized now and (B) I found this book I made for T when we had been dating about a year.

I took some photos of the pages (please excuse the flash – it appears after 2 years with my DSLR I still haven’t bothered to learn to use it properly.) to show you all my extremely talented drawing skills. Also, I was pretty darn ready to get married at that point as shown by the future pictures of a proposal and a wedding.

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It’s pretty spectacular isn’t it? I had to text T yesterday to remind him of my awesomeness when I found this.

Anyone else as terrible of a drawer as me?

xox

b

Back to the airport I go

After a lovely weekend running around doing errands with my husband (I got some really cute shoes! We did all the grocery shopping. New watch batteries. The list goes on.) I’m now taking him back to the airport. He’ll be gone again til Friday afternoon.

I know, I’ve whined before, but this is my blog and I’m whining again. I miss him. Yes, I can function alone. Yes, I can read my books all day and watch TV shows he hates but mostly, I miss him. I’m ready for him to be working out of Van again.

I’m deep breathing over here so as not to cry in public again. I can do it.

xox

b

Marriage and Travel

T got this new job (yay!) which requires him to travel a fair amount (boo!). He’s travelled before for work, but nothing quite as much as this. I took him to the airport last night and for the next few months he’ll be travelling, only home on weekends.

I know I should be thankful that he gets to come home on weekends, but his travelling reminds me oh so much of when we dated long distance (if you didn’t start reading way back in the day – T and I dated long distance for a year and a half before he moved here to be with me). As I was trying to control my tears so that they would remain just tears and not sobs, I got that feeling I used to get before we’d leave each other for another 6 weeks or so back in the long distance days. That feeling of dread. Aloneness. Heartbreak.

I know what they say. Healthy relationships require some separation. Do your own thing etc. But T and I? We like to do things together. We’re a great team and we really enjoy each other’s company. We balance out each other’s crazy. We spend a lot of time together. When he goes away it’s hard for me. Really hard. And hard for him too.

I know we’ll get through this year or two of intense travel. But no one said I have to like it…right?

xox

b

Weekend of Peace

T and I had a wonderful weekend away from everything. We spent the night on Sunday at a swanky hotel downtown, had a romantic (and expensive!) dinner during which I ate so much I could barely move after (now that is an attractive look, let me tell you!) and wandered down Robson Street (Shopping and people watching). It was lovely. It was nice to not be at home staring at my to-do list, fielding phone calls from family members who can’t read my emails or running all over town trying to pick up last minute things. It was really nice.

This was the view from our hotel room:

Then we headed to the beach for a bit of reading:

It was wonderful. We went to T’s meeting with a potential employer after that. Things went really well, so we’re keeping our fingers crossed that something will come from them in the next few months.

We headed to the border to pick up all sorts of wedding stuff we’d been buying (ribbon, ties, cuff links, gifts etc) had dinner out and then headed home. It was a crazy exhausting (in a good way) few days and it was so nice to spend them together.

(also, did you write me a question or two yet? Anyone else have anything pressing you really want to know in a blog post while I’m away?)

Happy Tuesday!

xox

b

One year ago today…

T and I were snuggled up watching an old movie together. He pulled out a gorgeous ring and asked me to be his wife. I obviously said yes and we’ve been on this crazy planning journey ever since.

I had wanted to be engaged so badly. I thought being engaged would be all sunshine and rainbows. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed planning our wedding (mostly) but I think I’ll enjoy being married much more. What seemed like an eternity away when we got engaged is now 26 days away.

T and I will be husband and wife and this whole engaged thing will be a thing of the past. I wonder if I’ll miss it. Probably not. Here’s what our office looked like yesterday as we printed and stamped programs.

They had to be printed, scored, folded, trimmed, corners rounded (those are T’s hands in the right side of the picture rounding corners!) and stamped with 6 different stamps. We only made it through half of them yesterday. Today we’ll finish the rest and glue them together with a popsicle stick to make program fans.

Happy Monday ya’ll, and happy engageaversary to me!

xox

b

To T

Hi love of my life,

I just wanted to tell you how proud I am to be your future wife. The way that you’re dealing with this lay-off – the determination, planning and thought that you’ve put into finding a great job to help contribute to our family makes me excited for our future together. The way that you only let yourself get down for a few moments before making a game plan and getting down to work makes me realize you’ll always work hard to be positive and solve problems for us.

I am so amazingly proud of you. I’m so incredibly thankful that I will be your wife.

I can’t wait for all the good and the bad our future has in store for us. I know together we can make it work.

Thanks for showing me that you’re going to always work to make life great for our little family.

I will too.

I love you,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

b

Things I’m thankful for: Wednesday edition

• T (who’s currently sleeping in. lucky duck. I love him so much it makes my heart feel like it might explode.)
• Perks of my job – free dental work! I’m getting my teeth cleaned this morning
• Good friends to chat to on the phone for hours.
• The rain – it’s making everything lush and beautiful. Plus, I love the sound of it pounding away at the roof.

What are you thankful for today?

xox

b